


Seduction Prep

by Fabrisse



Series: Rebuilding the Table [6]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Multi, not quite crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:05:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3656547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seduction is a valuable tool for a Kingsman agent.  The recruits are given an assignment before getting their seduction training.  The story ends before the classes begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seduction Prep

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT a fill for the following prompt at Dressing Room 3:  
>  _I want to read how the candidates are taught seduction. Bonus points for Merlin being the instructor. Even more points if Eggsy and/or Roxy volunteers to be the demonstration model._
> 
> But the prompt and the posts in its thread definitely inspired this. While I consider this to be in my Rebuilding the Table 'verse, it's a very early prequel. I played around with the timeline a little bit, and Harry hasn't visited Professor Arnold just yet.
> 
> By the way, I hope *someone* fills the original prompt in its full cracky glory.

They fell in immediately when Merlin entered the room. The last several weeks had been spent running obstacle courses, learning and using multiple firearms, and eating meals together under differing etiquette rules. Other than Roxy turning her ankle and being on crutches for three days, nothing exciting had happened.

Merlin looked them over. “You’re all doing well on your basic training, but I’d have expected no less. In two weeks, you’re going to begin seduction training. It will include basic Neuro-Linguistic Programming, for those of you who like to be ahead of the class, but there will also be demonstrations of practical skills.” 

He assessed their expressions before pointing to some notebooks in their sitting area. “Each of you will take one of these. If one or more of you wash out within the next two weeks, the notebook will be burned without reading. If you washout after the classes have begun, it will be burned and I will be the only person to have read it. If you become a Kingsman, it will be part of your file. Do you all understand?”

The “Yes, Merlin,” wasn’t quite as forceful as he’d like, but he’d let that pass.

“You will, over the next two weeks, complete the following information. On the first page, I expect your name, where you went to primary and secondary schools and which universities or colleges, if appropriate. You will also list your sexual orientation, sexual preferences and fetishes, gender identity, and the approximate number of sexual partners you’ve had broken down by sex. The rest of the notebook will be more detailed.” 

Most of the recruits were having a hard time keeping eyes forward. Charlie was obviously focussed on a point behind Merlin’s shoulder. Roxy and Eggsy were the only two keeping their eyes on Merlin, and Eggsy was blushing harder than Roxy.

“You will write down details of your first kiss. If you consider that you have a first kiss and a first ‘real’ kiss, you will give details of both. How and at what age you lost your virginity to the opposite sex, and how and at what age you lost your virginity to the same sex. Please detail the best and worst sexual experiences you’ve had.”

He made certain he still held their attention. “Lastly, there has been a certain amount of pranking among you. As long as no physical harm comes from it, there will be no repercussions. You’re all adults. These notebooks are private. If I find anyone has taken, hidden, read, or otherwise done something with someone else’s book, it will mean immediate dismissal. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Merlin.” He was pleased it was more forceful this time.

“Also, as you are seconded to the departments around the headquarters, you are encouraged to seduce any willing partner you find. Willing is the key word, and there will be no bandying of names or bragging. After all, Kingsmen are first and foremost gentlemen --” he nodded toward Roxy, “or ladies.”

“Fall out and grab a notebook.”

***  
Eggsy looked up from his inventory work and frowned. Morgana and the Lady were talking about the information from a particular bug.

“It might as well be a foreign language. The problem is, we don’t have anyone to translate it. If it were an obscure Baltic dialect, I could just send it to one of the universities, but street slang…?”

He made up his mind and walked over to them. “May I interrupt?” 

“Depends on why, lad,” Lady said.

“I’d like to know which streets? Is this a bug in Cairo or Tokyo?”

Morgana said, “It’s London, as I’m sure you’ve guessed.” She smiled at him. He’d worked in her department for two weeks and had been very good about doing very simple things. Too many of the candidates wanted to do the glamorous work or thought their schoolboy French was sufficient to be a translator.

“You have a native speaker standing here. I mean supposing you’re talking about estuary rather than cockney or one of the dock slangs.”

Morgana did her best to hide her amusement. She sincerely doubted Eggsy would have thought of his accent as “estuary” before starting at Kingsman. “It is,” she said. “Some of it seems clear, but may not have the meaning we’re presuming.”

Eggsy nodded. “Lot of it’s inflection. And, you’re from Yorkshire, right?”

Morgana said, “Yes.”

“Well a bloke told me once -- and he might o’ been lying through his teeth and all -- that if a Yorkshireman calls a woman a ‘daft bitch’ it’s not so bad like.”

Morgana chuckled. “My husband calls me that occasionally. It’s old fashioned and definitely down market, but yes, it’s an endearment.”

“But if one of the blokes round here were to use it to you, Merlin would prolly have him out on his ear, right?” 

Lady said, “Definitely. We’ll need to consult to change your assignment, but don’t be surprised if you’re back with Morgana’s terrors tomorrow.”

Eggsy said, “Then I better get this inventory finished before I leave tonight.”

Lady nodded. “Go on, boy.”

***  
Charlie stalked into the recruit’s area and said, “You did this on purpose.”

“Not following you,” Eggsy said.

“You’re going to be working directly with Morgana’s team for the next two weeks, and I’ve been sent to Vivienne again. She hates me. And Rufus had to be moved from Vivienne’s to the Lady’s area, too. One big game of pass the parcel. So what did you do this time. Prove that you couldn’t type, didn’t know how to read the fine print?”

Eggsy shrugged, “Hadn’t heard we were changing.”

“You did something,” Charlie said. “Wanted to get in where there was the most pink.”

Eggsy caught Roxy’s attention and mouthed “Pink?”

“Pink, Eggsy, is a vulgar term for women’s genitalia, originally American in origin,” she said primly.

“‘Fanks, Roxy.” He turned back to Charlie. “Why would that matter?”

“The seduction competition,” Digby said. “Weren’t you paying attention when Merlin was talking? That could get you into trouble, you know.”

“He just said we was ‘encouraged to seduce any willing partner.’ Didn’t say it was mandatory, or a competition for that matter.” He glanced back up at them. “Cheer up, Charlie. You’re young and fit. I’m sure the mechanics will go mad for you.”

Roxy snickered.

“I’m not some bum-boy on his knees for any man who’ll pay.”

Roxy cast a worried glance at Eggsy, but saw he was amused. “You ‘fink that’s going to bother me? Been called a rent-boy since I was 12. Most of them had more imagination, too.”

Charlie leaned over so closely that he made JB nervous. “I’ll bet you liked getting on your knees for money.”

Eggsy just raised an eyebrow. “I admit, I charged your father double.”

Digby and Rufus pulled Charlie back before he could land a blow.

Roxy shook her head and said, “You’re making it hard for me to complete my mission in life.”

“What’s ‘at then?”

“Getting you through training with all your teeth.”

***  
Harry stopped by Merlin’s office before heading out. “I understand the seduction classes start soon.”

Merlin nodded. “And as usual, most of them are making a right hash of it. I think Charlie’s propositioned every woman at headquarters except the Lady, and I won’t take odds that he won’t try her before the two weeks are up.”

Harry laughed. “Think she’d take him up on it?”

“She looks at him like he’s been scraped off her shoe. Doesn’t help that he’s been talking about how everything needs to be rearranged to run more efficiently.”

“Oh, dear. She’ll be a fucking bear to work with. I thought Eggsy was in her department?”

“He’s helping Morgana’s girls suss out an estuary accent when they only have audio.”

“I see. And how’s the, er, other side of things going for him?”

Merlin’s shoulders shook with quiet laughter. “He’s amazingly discreet, and, apparently quite charming. Since the staff report to me if any seductions have occurred -- and a fair few give me ratings on quality I might add -- well, he may actually be the first one to beat your record with women.”

“Really?”

“And he may break mine with men, too.”

Harry did a double take, “You must be joking.”

“I’m not. What’s more, most of his partners won’t divulge details. One of the few who did said she went with him because he made it clear that he really liked talking to her.”

“That’s hardly details.”

“That and some very broad smiles is all I’m getting on Eggsy, which says a lot about him.”

Harry said, “And the others?”

“Roxy’s had more than a few trysts with women. None with men yet. Don’t know if it’s inclination or if she’s just tired of the boys since she’s living with so many. More surprisingly, she seems to have found somewhere on the grounds with no surveillance. Oh, and Hugo’s getting a reputation for being easy with men, not good at it, but easy.”

Harry shrugged. “That can have it’s advantages, too. It probably means he’s trainable.”

“I can only hope.”

***  
“C’mon, Eggsy, please. I just...I’m afraid it’ll end up being Charlie or Piers or someone like that.”

“There’s plenty of men round here would love to have you ask them,” Eggsy said.

“But not you? You know, it never occurred to me. Are you gay?”

“Don’t think so. Tend to prefer women, honestly, but a good kisser is a good kisser.”

Roxy said, “So, I just don’t meet your standards.”

“Don’t play that kind of game with me. We’re friends. I hope we’ll stay friends whichever of us ends up as a Kingsman agent, and I don’t want to bollix that up if I can help it.”

Roxy said, “Come with me. We’ll talk more there, and you can walk away any time.”

Eggsy thought for a moment and took her hand. As they walked through some of the wooded areas around the obstacle course he said, “You have… I mean, if I say ‘yes’ I won’t be your first or anything?”

She laughed. “No. It’s just. It’s been awhile since I was with a man. I enjoy sex, but it’s the whole ‘woman in a man’s world’ thing. It’s not as bad as it was, but it’s very easy for a woman to go from being defined as confident to being considered a slapper.”

“Posh girl like you knowing words like that. Don’t let them define you. You’re pretty good at not letting them define me.”

She twisted her mouth wryly and then laughed. “I… As I said, it’s been awhile. It can hurt if you’re out of practice being stretched, and I don’t want to seem naive or virginal or anything if I’m assigned to practice with one of the others.”

“Ask for Rufus. I don’t think he’ll give you much stretch.”

Roxy slapped his shoulder as she started to giggle uncontrollably. He pulled her on his lap and laughed with her until she stopped and framed his face with her hands.

“Go on, then,” he said. 

Roxy leaned in to kiss him, and he helped to make it long and sweet. “Please?” she said.

“Al fresco?”

“Look at you learning fancy words. Yeah, it’s the only place I’ve found without surveillance.”

He smiled at her. “Come have your way with me then.”

“That’s it?”

“If it’s been awhile for you, you need to set the pace.”

Roxy looked at him and said, “Kiss me again.”

He did.

***  
Merlin became aware of a presence hovering over his left shoulder. He finished what he was doing and turned around. “Ah, Eggsy. Next time put yourself in my peripheral vision. Having someone where I can feel them, but not see them is usually a threat.”

“‘Course, Merlin. Sorry. It’s just. Those notebooks. I’ve filled out most of it, prolly with more detail than you want, but… I can’t answer one of them.”

Merlin peered at him. “I’m intrigued.” He picked up a comm mic and someone came out from the back. “Step into my office. I can afford you a little privacy.”

“Thanks.” He looked at the walls, the floor and the ceiling before he finally said, “It’s sexual orientation. I mean, I know I’m not gay and I like men too much to be straight, but bisexual doesn’t feel right either.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause, like under preferences I put ‘fit,’ but I’ve gone with some people who weren’t fit because, well, I liked them. And I’ve had a fair few fit people try to get me to come home with them that I just… I wouldn’t, there wasn’t any potential for more than just… bodies.”

Merlin nodded and hoped Eggsy didn’t pick up on how difficult it was to keep a straight face. “Well, no one has to like everyone.”

“Not to hear Charlie an’ them tell it.”

“I wouldn’t trust Charlie to speak my weight if I were standing on a scale, at least not about sex. However, from what you’ve said and what I’ve observed, I think the term you may be looking for is ‘pansexual’ -- feelings come first and you don’t really mind what package the person is in.”

Eggsy smiled clearly. “Yeah. That’s it.” He frowned a moment. “It don’t mean I go after goat feet or something?”

“No, I’m sure that’s part of the etymology, but no. It just means you’re someone who looks underneath.”

“Thanks, Merlin.”

“Not a problem, Eggsy.”

***  
The night before their classes were due to start, Merlin came in just before bedtime. “At ease,” he said before they could all fall in. “Notebooks, please.”

Eggsy and Roxy held theirs up right away. The others were somewhat reluctant. Once he had all eight notebooks, he said, “Thank you,” and started out.

Charlie called out, “Aren’t you going to tell us who won?”

“Won what?” Merlin said.

“Who seduced the most people, of course.”

Merlin looked at him and said, “All right, this was going to wait until tomorrow, but in my opinion only two of you passed the test. This wasn’t some competition for notches on your bedpost. It was to see who could woo someone -- or multiple someones -- well enough that everyone was happy with the encounter. Numbers mattered far less than the happiness of your partners.”

Charlie and Digby muttered a bit.

Merlin continued, “However, this is one of the rare groups where the number and the satisfaction scores match -- and yes, each of your partners reported to me after an encounter.”

Rufus finally said, “Well which of us is it? I’ll bet it’s Roxy.”

Roxy said, “I’d bet it’s Eggsy.”

Merlin inclined his head toward her. “And you’d be right. Your satisfaction scores were very high, too, I might add.”

“Good to hear,” she said.

“Good evening. Class will begin immediately after lunch tomorrow.” Merlin exited.

“So, Eggy,” Rufus said, “Care to share your wisdom with us?”

He shrugged. “I talked with them, and we had a laugh.”

Roxy smiled. “That, and he’s got a really clever tongue.”

Eggsy grabbed a pillow and batted her with it.


End file.
